In The Name of The Lord, Eloi Yahweh, I am coming!

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Begging for help and protection

on May 13, 2013

HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY a bit late because they did not let me have a phone or Internet connection.

Today, Monday, May 13, 2013


I am at San Francisco State University where any of my files are opening.  Good number of them are close because of the content and my JOUR 395 China Town project which was done with the assistant and help of the lab attendant was not in my hard drive.  My own San Francisco project that is my final is also gone, but the Indian not a Native American because he is from across who was next door from where I worked alone all day long was modifying and changing as well as some students that were there.  I tried to locate my files and I couldn’t.  What I can tell you is that I got DGME 112; DGME 113 and DGME 117 as 167.  In my Final Pro Cut Project I was one of the only one having a nice arrangement.  Professor Randy Tan was impressed with my job done.  I lost my first file as they did what at San Francisco is happening right now.  They were not allowing me to save it in my hard drive as happened also last week in my Photo class 381 last week.  About 600 photos went to the wrong file.  It is disgusting how government is allowing the appropriation of people talents and instead is allowing organization like Goggle to be collecting good number of book.  I do not like Goggle through them College of San Mateo was or it is using my mind and body computer as the poor mind is being used to speed up the Internet.  Mind and body are computers, but this is destroying humans.  It is ashamed how children are being taken from their parents legal and physical custody just to abuse them in many ways even sexually.  My baby was raped and Sheriff department of redwood City California Court did not serve me the Domestic Violence court order imposed on me for NO REASON by Honor Greenberg that as many others do as they please in OUR COURT ROOMS.   It is ashamed how institutions like HUMAN RIGHTS, OFFICE OF CITIZEN COMPLAINTS NOT ONLY IN SAN FRANCISCO, REDWOOD CITY JUST IGNORE AS THE AMERICAN CIVIL LIBERTIES UNION AND NOT TO SAY CONGRESS WHO RECEIVED A LETTER FROM ME AT LEAST TWICE AND THE HOUSE OF REPRESENTATIVES.

I know I wrote I hate SOME Mexicans and CUBANS (my child abuser who sent my child rape as Redwood City Sheriff Department did not serve me the Domestic Violence) and his Cuban-American lawyer who does as he please in the Redwood City Court house, but wouldn’t you do the same?  I am a human and worse I feel that because I am a believer serving God they are doing to me and because I am a poor woman who they single out to do as for years they had done to millions others.  Britney Spear is just for me representing the MILLIONS OF WOMEN THAT LIKE SHE AND I ARE GOING THROUGH THE ABUSES WITHOUT ANYONE SAYING BECAUSE THEY ARE ALLOWING THEM TO HAVE A PENNIE OUT OF THE MILLIONS MADE FOR MONARCHIES.  To the Cubans I will say, you were given more out of the BP Oil disaster just to spread you out of Miami.  You are being replace by many especially Nuyoricans and both of you should think that what they are doing is just neutralizing the one who has more knowledge and until today power control.  To the Mexicans I will say the rangers used to kill you as if you were animals and the Guadalupe Hidalgo Contract was never acknowledge and to the Whites Americans, the ones who ran from monarchies back in 1700s and who I believe care for this country and themselves, I will say your race not only the millions of Britney Spear have been robbed, used and exploited to make other races to stand on your image you yourself as millions others men in this country and from this world: they are depriving you of pleasures, of joy and the right to parent your own children as you please.  They have been pulling the leg of all as they used people without much education to do so.   To the Chinese American I will say, if you would be in China, you perhaps would it be one more poor bag man and no one would it give a dumb about you disappearing.  I am sure that if you were successful in this country is because you did work hard and this country have been giving you the opportunity and the chance, but in China not many do and to seat on the front row of the fast new train it is something that you feel proud of.


Do not think that I am special.  I sometimes feel that you are the ones because I am going through this “hell,” as only God, eloi Yahweh is trying to save you.  Read about the poor like me that ran away and ended up in a whale tummy and as he did as he please and got tired; God first let him have a vine to give him some shadow to be fresh under the sun and as he asked to kill and destroy Nanivie or so, God tried to kill his vine and asked why he should not do so: “he answered because it was helping him to be OK.”  God did say the same about the people; perhaps at times we are not good, but made his life to have a reason to be happy, upset at times and we do not know why he created us and why he cares, but Nanivie was save by him because the rotten humans were not as bad.   It is not easy, but I have no choice.  I do believe he knows what we or in this case “I” can take and that is the reason why he is using me, but it is also true that no matter how I try hard to go along with these people and their unjust system they just show me their power.  So what are the choices I am having is to keep on going and to keep on going because I am neither going to give up neither myself as you wish nor my family, which I extended to all: “the poor blacks in and out of jail; the poor Chinese bag men; the poor Indian Native Americans; the millions of poor (women) called “Britney Spear,” just because you know what she had being going through, but no less was Ruth Saint Denin “Shawns who was as used and exploited as this poor other “million women in this world.”  My adopted daughter “Britney Spear, or Casey Anthony, no, Knox, or Katie Holmes whatever, the name no matter, but if I say Estrellita De Jesus you might say: who’s the hell is the “B” and then you do not get it.  You know now: 1 3; 13 or pushed together a “B” in short that will answer who’s: I am not the bad word that you thought.  The picture is too big that is hard to see it.  He is bigger than us and he goes through time without a problem and this is the reason why he is in between.  After all we are his creation.     

A few seconds and for the second time a “Canijo” Mexican tried to pull my leg and denied my right to publicize their tricks and abuses.  They turned off my phone all day long, the first time at the laundry.  They tried to make my baby feel bad in “Mother’s Day.”  He did want me to call my child and tell him off just because he came telling me he did hit his child.  My baby is not like that.  I have been writing about.  Instead I got upset with myself and stop telling him to watch for others because they abuse him on my face.  So he did want me tell him and not to ask him what happened and give him the chance to say.  Why should I believe a stranger?  Why should I care for what he said without asking and believing in my baby who had always showed me his good manners?   The child was quiet, no crying.  What was the big issue and he started threaten me with the police like if I care about their justice.  As I said to him, if your child is too little and mine is too big, you should not let him play there.  You know how many times I have been writing about my child life and abuses he suffered there and I with him.  Why I don’t stop him 1) I believe in Eloi Yahweh and if anything happen: “God knows why, perhaps he is suffering too much and perhaps it was his time.”  I am not going to deprive him or stop him from learning what happen everywhere and every day in the real world.  After all, I apologize if he hit him as he slide down, but baby has no reason to hit someone he does not know and he is usually looking for friends to play and no matter the age.

We must learn and all I am asking is that in this country we do have rights and freedoms and if we do have the right people giving justice.  Any misunderstanding can be work or else a chaos.  This is the reason why I chose to be an American and I will say a double American because many as I are ship out to deny education for us.  No here I am with a big headache and even though I am not in jail.  I am forced to be at BounzCity: abuse by many and not having choices to go with my family or my children for a nice dinner or to the beach if we please. 

Who knows when I will post this blog, but I will try tomorrow.  My phone was turned off twice.  Once at the laundry and now at BounzCity where many are upset going behind me.  I got a headache.  They did not let me sleep instead they forced me hot, but believe me hot not only sweating.  I hate that because it is not my choice, but there I was and suddenly my upper legs got numb.  I believe some were forcing me to do this and others stopping me from doing so.  It is sad, but our mind and body computer allow wicked to do so and instead of finding ways to overcome that some of them got together to abuse the poor and through it to make money, power for themselves.  Elite Blacks, Chinese and even Whites had been the ones using the poor and appropriating from us our ethnics, races traditions.  They are the ones victimizing their own races. 

They are not happy because we are choosing them to represent us and we pay them well.  No, they are not satisfied and are killing, robbing.  You know I used to like  I know I never get no one visiting my videos cites, but that is just for the record.  I am sure they go and had been taken from there as they please.  Do not post your ideas.  They are being appropriated, but let me tell you what they do not know is that you own them as long as you do have the proof that you are the first one.  You do not need to register and pay the price.  My teacher, Doctor Wagstaffe- JOUR 307.  I heard him to say that when he was a kid JFK was killed.  He has quite a trajectory.  His dad was a lawyer and he seems to be passionate and knowledgeable.  In fact, we missed him last Thursday.  He made his classes a show.  He walks on the line of test and he always goes to the same point to go through the steps.  He talks badly about Christina Azocar, but I am sure he is found of her.  It looks like they are a good team work at JOUR Department.  He flashed his head with a fake little thing put in his head, not in his home or in his room.  He did in the classroom where he taught me how a boring class can be teach with a lot of imagination and practical simple little things in a way; I never saw anyone and this is part not of his privacy.  This is part of my common knowledge learn from his teaching.  Good luck I do not need his permission to post my learning and understanding.   Doctor Wagstaffe not many are as lucky as I am having you as my teacher.  I did not give him the straight “A” in his evaluation not because I am mean, but he is so good that I want him to learn and give everyone the same rights and freedoms.  I will not say much because I admire him and I feel that we are just that: humans and it’s of men to make errors, but if you think and change: you in this case him will get bigger, not because this dumb is saying so, but because it is what he said.

Now let me share with you about my 657 class.  I ended up putting together a power point slide show in which I put others thoughts.  I realized that my poor English is not helping me so, I am arguing with other smart, talented and known people words.  I am giving them the credits they deserve and I will be honest.  Almost all are up to the standards.  I do not think that the Dance Free I commentary person is talking that way about Ruth Saint Denis.  Instead I truly believe and admire her because she stands on her ideas, beliefs, observations, conclusions or discoveries.  Whatever you want to call them, but she was right on the dot and put the words there without being putting mask on it as she said: “Ruth Saint Denis went and took from this world what she did want to and use in this country, but she never put together what I did.  Saint Denis was married to Shawn and got divorce from him years later.  I have no doubt White Race had been used and the image power that they gained through this country power is being appropriated.  They had been used like “cementales” – the best animals on a bunch or farm that are match to get a better animal production.  I believe that we are equal, but some people care for looking.  I care for hearts, ideas, believes; honesty and I do not care for money.  Not many there call thing by their name and this is something to admire.  This world would be better if with politics, respect and manners we do say what is happening.  Sometimes we cannot see it because we are so involved and others point of view help us to see how people are perceive or understand our not errors, but perhaps drastic ideas you know not you know what I do not want to say it.  Put your own words and do not blame me or say I want to change your . . .

I guess sometimes I like to talk with the whole world through my lab top because they are not letting me have friends or not even my family.  So let me tell you as I am driving my ideas are flying like crazy, but when I am trying to think about the nice way I thought about it.  Here I am not having the rights words.  I do think that sometimes I am talking to him or he is trying to make me think and when I am here is something else.  The most obvious grammar errors are highlighter on green or red and the computer do not give alternatives.  So I go for whatever I have seen before and I stick to it. 

One thing I admire from Americans (mixed from this world) is the fact that they are organized and goes step by step well organized ideas or so, but I feel that is good and positive for some and not so for others like for dance.  There the basis is OK to point out, but not so always.  In Latin American women usually thinks that men are the leaders, especially as we are dancing.  Women are expecting to let him guide.  She is good “followers.”  Of course they use the eyes, their body’s signals.  They grabbed us by the waist or put their hand on our shoulder or back, but even the first time dancers do know what to do: “Let her man have the leadership or the piece.”  In a way, I am an old time.  I am Americanize: I married twice giving myself a second chance.  I do work hard to be.  I have been studying to be. But I keep in my heart and mind the old time men who used to respect their ladies, who used walked on the outside of the street of closed the door as she sat in the car.  I do believe in equality, but for equal jobs pay, but we are not exactly equal.  One has a “copete” when he gets excited and the other does not. 

 Let me tell you about the “copete” you might be able to find it at the Spanish dictionary, but watch out my appropriation definition at differed a lot from the one at Oxford.  They were changed after all, but if I look for both is because what I found defining was not what I thought really is and I consulted with two different people at the lab, but it was changed as I discovered.  In short, at this rate the stupid English American language will be gone as the Hebrew or the Latin roots because of the changes or bad dictionaries.  Copete is what Elvis Presley used to have in his hair at the front of his face, but is also used in a figurative way to talk not in metaphors.  Like for example if I talk about Wagstaffe as I did.  He might think he is that good that he might get a bit too much on his own world and his copete will go high.  In short, he might think he is the best and will spoil himself.  Other times, “el copete refers to the man peanuts that rise.”

I used to admire my “legal parents and their family.”  They came from Spain, Germany and England.  They were at first wealthy, but in those years women who has children without being marry were treated different.  You couldn’t register them and good number of time your parents used to do so for you.  Ridiculous, but did happened.  My legal father never brought my mother and family here not because he did not have legal papers.  He did get them about 60-to almost 70 years ago through his sister, but coming and going back and forth because he did not want my legal mother copete to go high and lose her.  At times he was canijo – one time he got involved with a woman who not knowing I ended up helping her here to move from San Diego to San Mateo and then I was blamed.  My brothers talked to me into and never told me she was the woman who got into my legal parents relation years ago.  In fact, I thought to go grab her from the head because for me was OK to marry twice, but for my mother just him was the one.  So I used to tell him: “I see you with that “MFSB,” and I will handle her.  Crazy, I never fought as people do here, but I saw how they used to do so when I came in 1972 when my cousins used to go around me because everyone did like to make fun of my not ridiculous shoes “hand made,” but not usual here for them.  Or when I was making the line at lunch and everyone was going ahead of me and I did not say much.  So the back people used to get upset with me and there my cousins were going on my rescue.  They tried to teach me how to fight and I was dumb.

 They were very sweet and different.  I got to live with them at the project in San Francisco where sometimes my cousin got girls coming to fight with her.  The good thing was, she was the oldest and learned Karate.  One day she did follow one for two or three blocks down to Mission, but I never saw the police as happen now days.   I was shipped back to Nicaragua in less than two months.  My father was concerned about me as he figured out about the boy who gave ride to us from the school.  Back in Nicaragua, I got one smart student from The Calazan one of the best male schools in Managua, but he kissed me once.  I did not like him too much.  My sister and her friends conditioned our going out.  I did have to have a boyfriend and my parents figured out.  He was nice helped with my homework a bit.  Finally my night mare, I met the father of my older children.  I was fourteen and I married him when I was 19 or 20.  I cannot use my phone today; three times as happened months ago they are discharging the battery.  This is not the first time, they tried to get hold of the phone as I plug it to recharge.  Luckily I saw the employee getting in there and I got it back again.  My head is hurting.  A bunch of women are seating next to me even on the floor as children are being used to keep my headache going.  I can feel and hear my head.  I am done with what I can do for my assignment, so I am just trying to find something to do to not get bore in here.  It is not easy, baby is running around.  Sometimes I go to look for him or I suffered as I hear him yielding in pain because others are abusing him.

A few seconds ago a Chinese woman just put her child on the sofa where I am seating and I put my stuff (cake) to avoid them; she just sat him almost on it because they had turned off my phone.  I cannot use it, but they had not being able to turn off my computer.  They jumped it many times, but that is about it.  So as she almost sat her kid on my cake.  I said: “That is my cake.”  The same happened some weeks ago when a man sat in my junk.  I left everything spread to keep the chair and sometimes if I need to do I gather everything together and I go, but he sat and did not respect my junk.  You know there is plenty of place and for someone to invade and seat next to your purse just because they want to invade you.  Well, I better go, I don’t see or hear my baby and when that happened is because they are abusing him.  He had not eat nothing today they are not letting him, but I warranty you that they made me go to Safeway where I go just on Fridays for their specials and today I went to both Safeway and Grocery Outlet after they did not let me sleep all night.  I noticed one employee who gave me a cake for free.  I went back and I said: “You did not charge the cake.”   But today, I am having a Tiramisu, a box of chocolate cookies which I hate and baby don’t want them, a dozen of donuts.  I ate a fruit cake through Friday and Saturday because they were $ 5.00 off, but at this point I spent too much at Safeway and I am having or carrying too much junk.  This is something else.  I have been forced to spend on what I do not need or want.  This is how they force to work and spend what we don’t want or wish to have.  This is the justice of our government as they do know as well as I figured out that mind and body are computers.

I am bored doing nothing here today.  Most of the time I bring my homework, but I am almost done and I don’t have much to do and it is only 4:20pm and I cannot even call my older children isn’t this lovely.  I hate and I and swearing against government representatives and wicked people who are participating not only on my religious persecution, but millions others who are force to suffer and are exploited and abused by them.  God please take care of them.  Pay them back as they deserve.

I never had a boyfriend here, but one tried to kiss me.  We were at Highland Park in San Francisco about six to seven O’clock and he tried to kiss me.  He was a spoiled Italian baby who did have a car, his name was Tony Bornes.  So, he tried and as he did I pulled my hand and I slapped him.  He got wild and upset and my cousin said: “ran, Estrella, ran.”  There I was running down the hill and Tony behind me.  We ended up being good friends on the phone.  He speaking with my cousin in English and then she was translating back and forth from English to Spanish and back and forth.  One on the second floor phone and the other in the first floor as we were both talking to him.  He gave us ride from the school in his sporty car and that was the end my legal father took me back home and he did follow the truck in this motorcycle for a while until we went on the freeway the wrong way.  Certainly did happen years ago.

I believe I forgot to tell you about “El copete,” with regards women in this country as we come from our poor countries.  We sometimes believe is better to divorce than to try to put up with the troubles, but what we do not realize is that there is no perfect man or world and there we are going with a second, a third and sometimes we lost the account.  By now, I am having it out of my list because is better to be alone than in a bad company, but in mother or father’s Day it is beautiful to have our parents together.  Not because the man is so perfect and dumb that never failed to go with a “lagartona.” A woman who is just seeing him flourishing, getting bigger and wealthy or smarter because behind him is a dumb woman making sure his clothes will look nice, clean and sharp or because she is keeping up on the house not just on her outside job because we are Americans.  Men and women are equals, but in reality we are not.  We are intellectually smart.  We are hard workers, but our genders and our ways to think, see and go through life are different.  Men do not have menstrual period.  Men do not have children.  Men do not have menopause.  It is not that we should feel proud of all of that junk, but my hope is that women will realized as well as men that we are the compliment and we become one as we get together as a couple.  I do not believe that our soul have a gender therefore, a couple can be made of two men, two women or one of each.  It does not matter.  The important matter is the love, the understanding in between the couple.  Lagartonas are everywhere and it is not so easy to stand, but if the man understand that in woman body bloods run through not water and therefore if we love and they expect us to love them.  They should expect us to be jealous and they should never let us see them with the lagartonas.  To Cesar what is belonging to Cesar, if they want to be a second plate in the table, let them be, but always give to the smart woman in your home; the place she does deserve.  Go with the lagartonas let it be, but do not let me see you with someone else.  I know is not easy for women to do so, but life is not easy, but as we do our children suffer the lost and again the new man does no less.  My legal parents as many others in the pass used to last a life time in their commitments not because they were better, but because they did care for our homes and our societies, but what I can tell you is that those couple used to help and support one another and there is anything better than a life time partner who knows what you like and cares for you because you are his or her other half and I will not talk about the joy and pleasure of our children seeing their parents together.

I know might be just a dream, but I hope you think about it.  “Happy Mother’s Day,” after all we are all the women for the only God.


2 responses to “Begging for help and protection

  1. Reblogged this on In The Name of The Lord, Eloi Yahweh, I am coming! and commented:

    I’m tired, but I’m almost done with all finals. I was able to open some of my files and I did all again with the exception of JOUR 395. It will be tonight or tomorrow

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